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☆여덟) 아버지의 49제 되는 날에....: 받는이 : 아버지; 작성자 : 큰아들재성 2006-07-27

어버지! 오늘이 아버지가 편안해 지신지 49일 되는 날입니다...
49제를 지내야 할 것같아 어머니께 말씀드렸더니 성당에서는 50일 기도를 하니 내일 미사보시고 내일 가자고 하시네요...
혹시 아버지 서운하게 생각하진 마셔요...
아버지! 오늘도 비가 마니 내리고 있습니다...
이젠 마지막 장맛비라고 하니 조금은 안심이 됩니다...
지금 막 어머니랑 통화를 하면서 다시한번 아버지의 자리를 느끼게 됩니다...
아버지 계실때 전 어머니에게 조금 서운한 적이 있었습니다...
암으로 고생하시는 아버지께 대하시는 어머니의 모습은 저로서는 이해가 되지않을 정도로 냉담하시고 아버지를 원망하셔서 전 조금의 충격마저 받았었습니다...
아버지께는 저 역시 죄가 많습니다...
이렇게 쉽게 이별할 줄 모르고...
누구를 원망하기보다는 제자신 스스로가 아버지께 지은죄가 많아서 너무 너무 아쉬울뿐입니다...
끝까지 아버지를 괴롭혔던 의사들의 무책임함과 조금 더 아버지께 다가가지 못한 제자신이 쏟아지는 비를 맞아도 씻겨지지 않는 후회와 원망으로 남습니다...
이젠 이젠......
아버지! 아버지계신 그 곳도 여기처럼 비가 내리나요? 그렇다면 비맞지 마시고 조심히 편히 오늘하루 쉬세요...
내일 어머니 모시고 찾아뵐께요...
어머니도 아버지의 자리가 마니 그리우신거 같아요...
아버지! 아버지! 내일 갈께요........

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