청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

이것도집착인가...: 받는이 : 중근이; 작성자 : 엄마 2009-01-16

중근아 엄마오늘 살포시 그곳을다녀왔어..
아무런준비없이 그냥무작정달려갔어...
엄만아직두 두눈이퉁퉁부어있어. 지금이순간도 이해하기힘들어..
목이메여오고 가슴이아파와 왜냐구 어제밤아니새벽녘쯤 선몽인가 꿈인가싶다만
울아들이 무엇이억울해서인지 그토독서럽게 울던지 순간눈을뜨고도 현실같아 믿기지않았어
중근아/엄마는그냥그냥너보기가미안해서.안타까워서.너를지키지못한미안함에 몇자적었는데
다시는엄마가 니가 있는그곳을안오는줄알았니....아니.엄만하루종일말로표현할수없을만큼
눈물이멈추질안았어...운전하다가도 일도못하구그냥울기만했어..
한의사선생님이
엄마보고집착이래몸도마음도다 놓아주라고 이건 집착아라구하더라 침을맞는내내울기만하였더니 가슴이아플거라고 침을나주셨어.근데도.계속흐느낌에연속이였어..
글쎄.엄마가널너를사랑해서일까.그래두울절.같이봉사하는동생이가줘서
우리중근이이쁜꽃달아줬다..중근아>>>이제좀있음또 명절이다 엄만진찌싫어
일부러안갈라구그때 알바한다..참.성근이랑가서아들집도바꿔줄게 명절땐못하잖아
그래서서운해서 울었어 엄마가변한거같아. 아들절대아니야 다음주21일날
너에재판있는날이잖아 변호사가좀만기다려달래 그래서날이다가오니까 억울해서울었지..
엄마가잘되게해달라고 부처님한테기도할게.꼭잘되게해달라고
가여운우리새끼.다엄마탓이다 미안해너무너무지켜주지못해서
세상에서가장사랑하는우리중근아 오늘만큼은 잠시잊고 푹 자거라
너무힘들면두팔벌려줄게 엄마가슴에기대어팔베개하고작거라사랑한다아들
엊그제2재지내구그냥왔거든.. (엄마가슴이세상에서제일넓단다)

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