청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

10월 1일 오전 1시 43분: 받는이 : 아빠; 작성자 : 큰딸 수진 2009-10-12

아빠~ 수진이예요! 보고싶어...
10월 1일 오전 1시 43분.... 많이 힘들어 하셨던 아빠를 떠나보내고
열하루가 지난 오늘, 아직도 피부로 와 닿지않는 우리의 이별앞에 처음으로 글 올려요.
병원에서.. 장례식에서.. 화장터에서.. 그리고 이곳 청아 공원에서..
숨가쁘게 달려온 지난 시간들이 마치 꿈만같아... 아빠 사진을 올려놓은 책상에서
이렇게 자판을 두드리는 지금도 난 멍..하기만해...
이젠 아프지 않은거지? 들숨 날숨 자유롭게 쉬어가며 배도 다리도 가슴도 아프지 않은거지?
지난 주말엔 경진이랑 고기리에가서 아빠 유품을 태웠어요.
평소 아빠가 즐겨 입던 옷가지랑 양말, 속옷, 이불등등 한줌 재로 날려보내고
나머지 쓸만한 옷과 물건들은 단체에 기부했어.
살아생전 당신이 꼭 그러하리라 다짐하셨던 장기기증은...
아빠의 몸상태가 좋지를 못해 할수가 없었어요...
하지만 아빠의 나눔의 마음은 이 세상 모두가 다 알아줄꺼야.
오늘은 아빠 방을 정리했어. 침대를 빼고나니 텅빈.. 공간이..
걸레질을 하다 가슴이 먹먹해 이렇게 아빠한테 찾아왔어요. 보고싶어.. 보고싶어..

나, 후회하지 않을꺼야.
아빠랑 함께했던 병원생활, 아빠의 마지막을 지켰던 그 열뜬 밤.
그 어느 한순간도 후회하고, 울며 지내지 않을꺼야.
행복했던 시간들, 감사했던 시간들, 좋은 것들만 기억하며 평생 웃으며 살께요.
경진이도 잘 견뎌내고 있어. 포동이도 제법 커서 이젠 안고다니기 무거워 ^^
아빠 나, 경진이 잘 돌보며 정말정말 잘살께.
나도 건강챙기고 다시 일자리 구해서 현명하고 따뜻하고 남부럽지 않은 삶으로
하늘에서 지켜보는 당신께 보답할께요.
지켜봐줘요. 응원해줘요. 항상 함께 해줘요.
사랑해.
사랑해.
너무너무 사랑해.
앞으로 잘 살께. 아빠의 이름을 걸고 항상 마음에 새기며 잘 살께요.
우리 곁에서 항상 함께 숨쉬어요.
이번주에 찾아갈께.
사랑해. 그리고, 너무 많이 보고싶어

2009. 10. 12. 월요일 수진 올림

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