청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

이렇게라도 하지 않으면.....: 받는이 : 내 상하는 막내딸 나?; 작성자 : 널 사랑하는 늙은 아? 2012-10-16

이렇게 라도 하지 않으면....

비가 내리면
나는 우산을 들고 마중을 간다
너가 돌아올 수 없다는 것을 알면서도
돌아 올 것으로 믿고 싶어서

어두움이 내리면
나는 손전등을 들고 마중을 간다
너가 돌아올 수 없다는 것을 알면서도
어두움에 길을 잃어 버릴 것 같아서

꽁꽁 숨어 버린 너를
영영 찾을 수 없다는 것을 알면서도
나는 술래놀이를 한다
쓰린 서러움을 잊을 수 있을 것 같아서

너가 돌아 올 수 없다는 것을 알면서도
이렇게 라도 하지 않으면
주체 할 수 없는 서러움이
나의 가슴을 헤집기 때문이다
너가 내 곁에 머물고 있다고 믿고 있노라면
그 순간만은 내 눈물을 멈출 수 있었고
너가 잠시 여행을 떠났다고 믿고 있노라면
돌아 올 것이란 기다림으로 슬픔을 달랜다

이제 그만 가슴에 묻고 널 보내고 싶어도
너와 내가 만들어 가든 그 소중한 추억들을
너무나 짧은 시간으로 남겨 두고
떠나 버린 널
가슴에 묻고 살아 갈 수 없을 것 같은
두려움 때문이다

가슴에 묻고 살아갈 수 없다면
내가 너의 곁으로 가는 것이
아쉬운 추억을 떠 올리지 않아도 되고
서러운 눈물을 흘리지 않아도 될.....

하늘이여! 저를 거두어 주십시오
그리고 그 아이 곁으로 인도 하여 주십시오
2012년 10월 16일

널 사랑 하는 늙은 아빠가

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