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엄마.. ㄴㅏ좀봐요...: 받는이 : 한없이그리운엄마..; 작성자 : 부끄러운딸.. 2003-07-25

유난히 ㄴㅐ자신이 한없이 초라해지고..
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작년 이 무렵..
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우리 많이 힘들었짜나.. 그래도 굳굳히 이겨나가면서
엄마랑 나랑.. 당당하게..누가봐도 부러울 모녀로 살아갈줄 알았는데...

엄마없는 ㅇㅣ 커다란 세상이..
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모든게.. 나의 주변 모든게 엄마의 손길이 다..깃들여있는데...
사진을 바라보고 있노라면.. 한없이 웃고만 있는 엄마의 모습이~
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ㅇ ㅣ제..일년이야...
벌써.. 일년이네.. ㄴㅏ는 보내주지도 않았는데..시간은 자기혼자~
저렇게 흘러가.. 붙잡을수는 없을까?...아니면.. 다시돌릴순 없는걸까?

왜.. 항상 이렇게 뒤늦게 후회하고 가슴 아파하는건지...
그때..왜 그렇게 해드리지 못했나하는 후회감만 가득할뿐이야...
ㄴ ㅏ.. 엄마한테 너무 미안해서.. ㄴ ㅓ무미안해서..보고싶다고
말도 못하겠어..ㅠ___ㅠ

그저 한없이 말없이... 집 잃은 꼬마처럼 다시 엄마가올때까지
울고 있는 것 밖에는....

ㅇㅣ런내맘 엄마 알아?,...
ㄴㅏ.. 엄마한테 마지막말도 못했는데.. 마지막배웅도못해주고..
손한번 ㄷ ㅓ잡아주지도 못했는데..
조금만 ㄷㅓ 기다려주지... ㄴㅏ한테 조금만 ㄷㅓ시간을 주지...
그렇게.. 가버리면.. 나는,,

사람들이 지나가다 " ㄴㅓ~있을때 잘해드려라.."
이말들이.. 왜 그때는 미쳐몰랐었는지.. 왜그렇게 철부지없는 딸이었는지

ㄴㅏ는 정말 엄마앞에서 한없이 부끄러운 딸이구나~싶어...

ㅎㅏ루하루..바쁘게살아가야만 하는 나를 볼때면..
내옆에 엄마가 있었으면.. 이렇게 힘들게 살아가더라도..항상
우리딸~우리딸..하면서 든든한 빽이라며.. 밝게 웃어주던 엄마가..
옆에 있어주었더라면..

휴...

ㄴ ㅏ..
점점 힘이들어.. 엄마보내놓고.. 정말 남들앞에서 구김살 없이
잘 지내왔는데.. ㅇ ㅣ제..서서히 힘이들어..
어뜩하지? 엄마.. 어뜩해?....
하루종일 가면을쓰고 무대에 올라 공연을 하는것처럼...
슬퍼도..웃고.. 아파도..안아픈척..
ㄴ ㅏ.. 이렇게 지낼 자신이.. ㅇㅣ제..없어질것같아...

ㅇ ㅏ무래도 엄마없는 빈자리는 너무 큰걸...

하느님이 있다면..부처님이 있따면.. 마리아님이 있따면..
엄마를 ㄴ ㅓ무보고싶은 딸이 있는데.. 어떻게하면 볼수있는지..
ㅇ ㅣ못난딸한테..좀 알려주셨으면....

오늘도..
엄마가 너무 보고싶어 밤새 울것같아..
ㄴ ㅓ무 한심하다고..바보같다고 우리엄마가 나미워하믄어쩌지...

엄마...
엄마....... ㄴ ㅐ가 이세상에서 가장 사랑하는사람..ㄱㅏ장 존경스러워하는사람..
엄마란거 알지..?

ㄴ ㅏ... 다시 힘을내야겠지?...
적어도 엄마앞에서 두번 불효할수는 없자나..
ㄷ ㅏ시.. 힘을내서 ㄷ ㅏ시 뛰어야하는거지?...
엄마하고 같이 지내왔떤 그때.. 그때처럼~ 항상 같이 있는거라고
엄마와나는 항상 같이 있는거라고.. 그렇게 생각하고.. ㄷㅏ시 웃어볼께...

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