청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

[ 詩 10 ] 어머니, 나의 어머니: 받는이 : 이원점 엄마; 작성자 : 막내딸 명옥이 2006-01-13

어머니, 나의 어머니

윤재순

하늘이 아무리 높다한들 당신의 사랑만할까
지구가 아무리 넓다한들 당신의 가슴만할까
숲을 헤치고, 구름을 가르며 천둥번개를 머리에 이고
칠흑 같은 어둠 속을 기어가며 살아오신 어머니, 나의 어머니
행여 이슬을 해칠까 마디마디에 피멍이 들어도 손으로 헤치고
행여 정성이 모자랄까 부엌마루에 정성을 모으시고
당신의 입에 풀칠을 하지 아니하여도
자식들 입에 밥풀을 넣으시던
어머니, 나의 어머니
나는 당신의 희망이요 평생을 받쳐 일궈낸 생명의 꽃이었음을
나는 당신으로 인해 시인이 되어 가슴을 노래하지만
당신을 위해 노래할 시어가 없음을
어찌하리오. 어찌하리오.
어머니, 나의 어머니

--------

엄마,
오늘은 겨울비가 오고 있어요.
잠깐 우박이 되었다가,
잠깐 눈도 되었다가......
이 비가 엄마가 우리 보고 싶어서 흘리는 눈물은 아니겠죠...?
엄마,
엄마는 우는거 싫어하셨으니까,
아무리 보고 싶어도 절대로 울지 마세요~!!
그냥 따뜻한 햇빛이 되고
부드러운 바람이 되어 오세요......

오늘은 날씨도 그렇고,
생각할 것도 많고 해서
청계산 밑자락에 있는 주왕저수지에 가서
차를 세워놓고 하염없이 바라다만 보고 왔어요.
꽁꽁 언 저수지물도 춘삼월이면 녹겠지요....
얼었던 물도 풀릴때 쯤이면,
내 맘도 풀리면 좋을텐데........

돌아오는 길에 수서 사거리에 KT건물이 있네요.
그 건물을 보니, 또 엄마 생각이 났어요.
엄마한테 가보고 싶은 마음이 가득했지요.....
엄마만나러 청아공원에 가려면, 일산 장항IC로 들어가서 KT건물에서 좌회전을 해야 하거든요....
아주 작은 것 하나에서 엄마가 떠오르고.....
그런가봐요....
그리움이란 그렇게 아무때나 터져나오는 기침같은 것인가봐요......

엄마,
엄마는 유난히 막내인 나를 예뻐라~하셨는데....
그래서 다른 식구들도 감히(?) 나한테 싫은 소리도 못했지요.
엄마의 든든한 빽때문에......
그런데, 나는 엄마한테 해드린게 너무 없네요...
오늘 엄마 사진을 찾다가, 얼마나 죄스러웠는지....
엄마랑 같이 어디 놀러간 곳이 거의 없더군요.
겨우 몇 군데 갔어도,
그저 내 새끼만 찍어댔지,
엄마 사진은 고작 한두장이 다였어요......
아무리 내리 사랑이라고 해도,
이렇게 막무가내로 못됐을 수가.......
고슴도치도 제 자식 이쁘다고는 하지만,
그래도 그런 나를 엄마는 어떤 심정으로 보셨을까... 생각하니,
너무 부끄럽고 민망하고.....
엄마, 그때 내가 너무 미웠죠?
차라리, "네 눈엔 애미는 안보이냐?"라고 핀잔이라도 하시지 그랬어요.....
엄마,
이렇게 뒤늦게 후회해봐야 무슨 소용이 있겠어요!!
그럼에도 너무 아쉽고, 또 아쉬워요...
엄마가 우리집에 다녀가셨을때, 디카로 사진을 실컷 찍어두었으면 얼마나 좋았을까... 하는 생각이 내내 마음에 남네요.
그때는 너무 늙은 엄마 모습이 안스러워서 찍을까.. 하다가 말았는데,
지금은 그렇게 주름살 투성이인 엄마라도 사진에 담아두었다면, 보고싶을때 실컷 볼수 있었을텐데.. 하는 아쉬움이 남아요.
아무리 늙으신 모습이라도,
그게 엄마 모습이라 생각하니
이제사 그렇게 소중할 수가 없네요!!

엄마,
벌써 새벽 2시가 넘었네요...
오늘 밤에는 비가 퍼붓기라도 하면 좋겠어요...
그러면, 마음이라도 시원해질거 같은데.......
아니지...
엄마 편안하게 주무시게 비가 그쳐야겠네요...
엄마, 내일 뵈어요~~~!!

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