청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

[ 詩 12 ] 엄마는 그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다: 받는이 : 이원점 엄마; 작성자 : 막내딸 명옥이 2006-01-15

엄마는 그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다

심 순 덕

엄마는
그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다
하루 종일 밭에서 죽어라 힘들게 일해도

엄마는
그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다
찬밥 한 덩이로 대충 부뚜막에 앉아 점심을 때워도

엄마는
그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다
한겨울 냇물에서 맨손으로 빨래를 방망이질해도

엄마는
그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다
배부르다, 생각없다, 식구들 다 먹이고 굶어도

엄마는
그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다
발 뒤꿈치 다 헤져 이불이 소리를 내도

엄마는
그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다
손톱이 깎을 수조차 없이 닳고 문드러져도

엄마는
그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다
아버지가 화내고 자식들이 속썩여도 끄떡없는

엄마는
그래도 되는 줄 알았습니다
외할머니 보고 싶다
외할머니 보고싶다, 그것이 그냥 넋두리인 줄만

한밤중 자다 깨어 방구석에서 한없이 소리죽여 울던
엄마를 본 후론

아!
엄마는 그러면 안되는 것이었습니다

-----

엄마,
오늘은 일요일이라서 좀 늦었네....
내 편지 많이 기다리셨죠?

엄마,
이 시를 읽으면서 엄마에 대해서 또 얼마나 반성을 했는지.......
엄마는 내가 태어난 이후로 어렵게 사시질 않아서
이런 안스러움은 없지만,
엄마이기에
늘 기다려 주실 거라고....
늘 용서해 주실 거라고.....
늘 이해해 주실 거라고만 생각을 했어요.

엄마한테 간다고 했다가도
다른 일이 생기면
엄마와의 약속이 선약임에도
늘 엄마한테 가는 것을 아무렇지도 않게 미루곤 했지요.

엄마 마음을 아프게 하는 말을 해놓고서는
잘못했다는 말은 입안에서만 맴맴 돌뿐,
말 안해도 다 아시겠거니... 하고 슬쩍 지나가곤 했었지요...

엄마,
자식들이 속을 썩혀도
늘 끝까지 믿어주고 감싸주시곤 했던 엄마,
내가 그런 것이 못마땅해서 달려들면,
"너도 자식키워봐라..."하고 볼멘 말씀을 하시곤 했지요.
이제 내가 어른이 되어 엄마가 되고 보니,
이제사 그 말씀을 이해하게 되네요.
자식이 내 맘처럼 되지 않는다는 거......
그런데, 나는 자식 하나를 갖고도 이러니 저러니 하는데,
엄마는 자식 여섯이 얼마나 힘드셨을까.......
그 속도 모르고 엄마가 자식을 잘 키웠네, 못 키웠네.. 하고 되지못한 소리까지 했던 저를 용서해주세요......

엄마,
매 한번 안들고 자식 여섯을 키우신 엄마,
한없는 용서와 감싸줌으로 자식을 키우신 엄마,
저는 엄마의 십분의 일이라도 배우고 싶아요~~!!

엄마,
엄마의 지혜를 제게 남겨주세요..........
그래서 이 다음에 제 자식이 저를 지금의 엄마처럼 존경할 수 있게 해주세요.......

엄마,
엄마를 닮고 싶어요.......!!

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