청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

[ 詩 14 ] 엄 마: 받는이 : 이원점 엄마; 작성자 : 막내딸 명옥이 2006-01-17

엄 마

-윤인환

시방 ,
괜시리 슬프다고 느껴 지는건
술 한잔을 먹어서가 아닙니다
이 한밤 뒤척이며 잠못 드는건
고상한듯 떠나간 젊은날의 첫사랑이
그리워서가 아닙니다

서리도 다 내려버린 이 새벽까지
꽁초에 불붙여 까만 하늘을 올려다 보는것은
촛대에 불밝히고 합장하고 염원한들
내 생에 다시한번 뵐수없는
엄마! 당신 때문 입니다

며칠전에 첫눈이 왔습니다
알록달록한 가을이 가고
성성한 찬 바람이 불때마다
가슴이 시려옴을 어찌 해야 할지 모르겠습니다
경상도 이씨 핏줄 타고온
마누라 젓가슴에 얼굴을 파뭍어도
채워질수 없는 깨진 항아리처럼
허허로움만 더해갑니다

아무것도
어떤것도
이가슴을 채울수 없습니다
채우려 채우려 할수록 더욱 갈증만 더해 갑니다

엄마!
아무리 부드러운 솜이라해도 부드럽지 않고
박하 사탕이 아무리 달다해도
엄마의 쭈그러진 젓무덤만 못한것을 어찌 해야 합니까.*

----------

엄마,
오늘 엄마 만나러 잠실 고수부지에 갔었어요.
어제 시에 겨울 강 안개가 되셨다는 구절이 있어서,
울 엄마도 혹시 겨울강 안개가 되어 계실까... 싶어서 겨울강에 갔지요.
오후에 가서 그런지 안개는 이미 걷혀있었지만,
부는 바람에 엄마가 느껴지고
푸른 하늘에서 엄마가 보여지고...!!
엄마는 그렇게 바람이 되고, 하늘이 되고........

엄마,
오늘 저녁에 막내오빠, 진영이, 혜원, 연원이가 우리집에 왔어요.
모두 오라고 했지요.
그래서 집근처 음식점에 가서 해물찜에 수제비도 먹고,
2차로 맥주집에 가서 오손도손 즐거운 시간을 갖었어요.
모두 엄마를 회상하면서, 가시고 안계신 엄마를 더 그리워했답니다!!
아직 49재를 지내지 않아서 먹고 마시는 일이 상그럽지만,
그래도 엄마는 워낙 식구들 모이는 거 좋아하셨고,
음식 잘 차려서 나눠먹는 거 좋아하셨잖아요.
그래서 틀림없이 엄마가, 할머니가 지금 하늘에서 흐뭇해 하실 거라고들 얘기했어요.
"난 안낀다~~"하시면서도 연신 먹을 거 챙겨주시는 거를 즐거움으로 아셨고,
안 듣는 척~ 하시면서도 화기애애하게 모이는 걸 유난히 좋아하셨지요.
그래서 봄에는 다같이 펜션으로 놀러가기로 했어요.

이렇게 서로 모이면 오해도 풀리고, 가라앉았던 앙금도 모두 눈녹듯 풀리는 것을........
엄마 살아계실 때, 그렇게 모여서 놀았으면 좋았을텐데.........
이 모든 것이 엄마가 저희에게 남기고 가신 유산이라 생각해요.
엄마 뜻을 받들어서, 모두들 화목하게 잘 지낼게요~~!!
엄마도 기쁘시죠?
엄마,
엄마도 우리 모일 때 오셔서 같이 듣고 즐기세요~~~^^
우리는 모두 느낄 수 있을 거예요.

엄마,
우리 모두는 엄마를 너무너무 사랑해요!! ♥

참, 엄마가 그렇게 예뻐하셨던,
아마도 지금도 예뻐하실 연원이가 아주 많이 힘들어해요.......
엄마가 연원이에게 힘을 주세요~!!
연원이가 엄마한테 애틋하게 잘했던거, 모두들 잘 알고 또 고마워하는데.....
이 녀석은 그래도 모자랐던 거, 잘못한거를 자책하느라 자신을 힘들게 하고 있네요...
엄마, 엄마한테 자식보다 더 효성스러웠던 연원이한테 더 많은 기를 불어넣어주시고, 더 많은 사랑을 주세요!!
아셨죠~~~?

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