청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

[ 詩 17 ] 어머니 - 백창우: 받는이 : 이원점 엄마; 작성자 : 막내딸 명옥이 2006-01-20

어머니ㆍ하나 - 백창우

1

철길 저편 둥근산 위로 늙은 달이 떠오른 저녁
내 가슴에 가득한 어머니
이 어둠 속, 내게로 올 사람은 아무도 없고
나이가 들어갈수록 더욱 그리운 어머니
나는 무얼 찾아 예까지 왔을까
이토록 지친 걸음으로
멀리 돌아보아도 내 삶의 처음은 보이지 않고
방황의 길목마다 당신의 다듬이소리
어머니, 내 가장 슬픈 노래인
아
아
어
머
니

2

골목마다 뛰놀던 아이들 집으로 돌아가는 저녁
내 가슴에 가득한 어머니
이 바람 속, 아무데도 갈만한 곳이 없고
세상이 추워질수록 더욱 그리운 어머니
나는 무얼 이루려 이렇듯
바삐 살아왔을까
멀리 바라보아도 길의 끝은 보이지 않고
내 고단한 꿈속에 당신의 자장가소리
어머니, 내 등 뒤에 늘 말없이 서 계시는
아
아
어
머
니
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

어머니ㆍ둘 - 백창우

창엔 비 흐르고
가슴엔 어머니
방엔 어둠 고이고
가슴엔 어머니
ㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍ

얘야, 난 혼자 살련다
책이나 한가히 읽으며
남향집 햇볕 잘드는 자그마한 뜰에
꽃이나 가꾸면서
내 걱정은 말렴
혼자 사는게 제일 편하단다
ㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍㆍ

가슴엔 비 퍼붓고
하늘녙엔 어머니
어둠 속으로 자꾸 멀어져가는
그리운 어머니

----------

엄마,
어제는 옛날에 같은 아파트 살았던 9층 아주머니를 만났어요.
엄마 돌아가셨다고 얘길했더니,
얼마나 안타까워하셨는지 몰라요.
모두들 엄마 얘기를 하면,
한결같이 나오는 얘기가 경우있고, 깔끔하시고 베풀고 사셨다고 해요...
나는 엄마가 너무 남한테 잘하시는 것도 싫었었는데, 엄마 빈소에서 남들이 말씀하시는 회고담을 듣고 보니 엄마가 정말 잘 사신거구나... 하고 깨달았아요.
나는 나만 열심히 바르게 살면 된다고 생각했었거든요....
그런데, 이 다음에 내 빈소에 와서 무슨 얘기들을 할까.. 하고 상상을 해보았더니,
다들 "지 잘나서 그렇게 살다간거지.. "라고 할거같아요.
제가 유난히 남한테 손해끼치지 않고, 남한테서 손해보기도 싫어하는 성격이잖아요...
나도 엄마처럼 나를 넘어서 남까지 생각하면서 살아야할텐데 말이예요...
엄마,
엄마만큼은 못해도, 앞으로는 보듬어가면서 살도록 할게요~~

엄마,
어제는 장을 보다가 또 멈칫 했어요.
엄마가 좋아하시던 '미사랑'과자하고 사탕들을 가끔씩 사다 놓았다가 엄마한테 갈때 들고 가고는 했었는데,
이제는 사다 놓아도 갖다 드릴 수가 없으니.......
미사랑 과자를 보면서 눈물이 핑~ 돌더라구요....
내가 아주 작을 것을 사가도,
돈들게 사왔다고 나무라시면서도
"오늘이 생일이네~~!"라고 말씀하셨는데....
진작에 그런 생일을 많이 많이 만들어드렸어야 했는데.....

엄마,
엄마가 세상을 뜨시기 전에 얼마나 시장하셨을까.. 생각하면 가슴이 미어져요.
밥이 보약이라고 하시던 분이 폐에 물이 찬다고 금식을 시켰잖아요.
그러니 몇날 며칠을 식사도 못하시고 오직 링거만 꽂고 돌아가셨네....
목 마르다고 그렇게 "무..울..." 하셨는데도,
고작 적신 거즈를 입에 물어드리기만 했었는데....
그냥 며칠 덜 사시더라도 맛있는 식사라도 하시게 할걸...
그냥 물이라도 시원스럽게 드시게 할걸....

엄마 병원에 계실 때, 내가 밤을 삶아서 으깬 죽을 만들어 갔을 때, 엄마가 한 숟갈 드시고 엄지 손가락을 치켜세우셨던 모습이 자꾸 생각나요.
그것이 엄마가 이승에서 막내딸 해드린 마지막 음식이 되었네요...
아무 것도 아닌 밤죽을 최고라고 하셨던 엄마...
자식의 정성을 두배, 세배로 크게 받아주셨던 엄마....
이 다음에 만나면,
내가 맛있는 거 많이 해드릴게요..........
정말 많이 많이 해드릴게요..........
엄마......

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