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[ 詩 19 ] 어머니 2 - 이성복: 받는이 : 이원점 엄마; 작성자 : 막내딸 명옥이 2006-01-22

어머니 2 - 이성복

달빛 없는 수풀 속에 우리 어머니
혼자 주무시다가 무서워 잠을 깨도
내 단잠 깨울까봐 소리없이
발만 구르시다가, 놀라 깨어보니
어머니는 건넌방에 계셨다

어머니, 어찌하여 한 사람은
무덤 안에 있고 또 한 사람은
무덤 밖에 있습니까

----------

엄마,
이 시를 읽으니까
'울 엄마는 어떻게 지내실까...' 더 궁금해져요.
엄마는 유난히 혼자 계시는 걸 싫어하셨잖아요.
젊어서부터 무서움이 많아서 컴컴한 길도 못다니셨고,
우리집에 계실 때에도 집에 혼자 계시는거 싫어서 어디 나가면 빨리 들어오라고 야단하시고...
밤에도 혼자 안주무시려 하고...
그래서 엄마한테 짜증도 부리곤 했었지요.
그런 까닭에,
아니 그 핑계로 엄마를 우리집에 못모시고 있었지요.
나는 바깥에서 일을 해야 하는데, 엄마는 혼자 못계시니까 곤란하다고........
엄마, 못된 딸이 얼마나 서운하셨을까....!!
엄마,
그래도 내 맘은 안편했던거 엄마도 알죠...?
마음까지 없었던 거는 아니라는거, 엄마도 아시죠..?
마음은 안그런데도, 엄마한테 가면 넉넉하게 엄마곁에 머물다오지 못했어요.
"오늘은 자고가면 안되니...?"
"조금만 더 있다가 가라~~"는 엄마를 뒤로하고
돌아서 오면서 눈물을 훔칠때도 많았어요.
그러면서도 막상 다음에 엄마한테 가면 또 다시
숙제하듯이 엄마 뵙고 오고......

엄마,
지금도 그렇게 외로우세요?
지금도 그렇게 무서우세요??
엄마 외로울때, 무서울때는 언제든지 제게로 오세요.
차를 안타고 되고, 길을 몰라서 못오시도 않으니까,
언제든지 엄마 나와 함께 하세요.....

엄마,
이모가 엄마 돌아가시고, 형부 돌아가신 소식을 듣고 많이 상심하셨나봐요.
이모님 살아계실 때, 한번이라도 더 찾아뵈어야겠다.. 싶어서 희숙언니한테 같이 가자고 했는데,
생각해보니 아직은 못가겠어요.
이모보면, 엄마생각이 너무 날 거 같고,
정말 참았던 울음이 터질거 같은데
그러면 이모가 더 상심하실거잖아요...
아무래도 조금 시간이 지난 다음에 가뵈야 할까봐요.

엄마,
정말 보고싶어요~~
엄마 돌아가신 날, 병실에 도착해보니 하얀시트가 침대 전체로 씌워져 있었지요.
오빠가 엄마 가시는 마지막 얼굴이라도 보라고 시트를 젖혔는데,
호흡곤란때문에 입에 기구를 넣은채로 돌아가셔서 입은 벌리고 계셨더군요.
나는 믿기지 않아서 엄마를 흔들고,
엄마 얼굴 만지면서 "엄마.. 엄마~~!!"를 불러보고...
그때 엄마 얼굴에 아직 온기가 남아있더라구요.
나는 엄마 얼굴이 식을까봐...
엄마 얼굴에 온기가 남아있다면, 엄마는 다시 살아나실거 같아서
몇 시간이고 계속 엄마얼굴을 부비고 있었지요.
손으로 만지고, 뺨으로 부비고.....
그리고 언니랑 조카들은 엄마 손과 발을 계속 문지르고 있었어요.
그랬더니 나중에는 엄마의 벌어진 입이 닫혀지고, 굳어졌던 표정이 아주 편안하게 펴졌더라구요.
그 순간 너무 감사했어요!!
귀가 가장 늦게 닫힌다고 하던데, 내가 엄마한테 했던 말 다 들으신거 같아서.......
그리고 내 온기가,
내 마음이 엄마한테 다 전해진거 같아서........

엄마,
사랑하는 엄마,
보고싶은 엄마,
오늘도 눈물 속에서 엄마한테 취침 인사를 하네요......
엄마, 편히 주무세요~~!!

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