청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

[ 詩 26 ] 엄마와 딸: 받는이 : 이원점 엄마; 작성자 : 막내딸 명옥이 2006-01-30

엄마와 딸

이 해 인

이렇게 나이를 먹어서도
엄마와 헤어질 땐 눈물이 난다
낙엽 타는 노모(老母)의 적막한 얼굴과
젖은 목소리를 뒤로 하고 기차를 타면
추수 끝낸 가을 들판처럼
비어가는 내 마음
순례자인 어머니가
순례자인 딸을 낳은
아프지만 아름다운 세상

늘 함께 살고 싶어도
함께 살 수는 없는
엄마와 딸이

서로를 감싸주며
꿈에서도 하나 되는
미역빛 그리움이여

----------

엄마,
부산에 다녀왔어요.
예전같으면, 며칠 있다가 올텐데,
이번에는 울 딸래미 고3이라고 빨리 올라왔어요.
도이를 서울에 혼자 놔두고 갔거든요.
엄마는 나더러 "시어머니한테 하는거 반의 반만이라도 나한테 해봐라~~" 하셨었지만,
엄마, 내가 엄마한테 투정을 부리는 건,
그건 그만큼 엄마가 편하고 나를 다 받아주실 거라는 걸 알기 때문이었어요.
그래서 뒤끝도 없고,
그래서 더 가슴으로 울 수도 있는 거구요....

엄마,
오늘이 설날인데,
큰오빠네 차례지낼때 다녀가셨어요?
오늘부터 차례 때 엄마차례 한번 더 지내게 되었네......
엄마,
혼이 되어 드시는 밥과 국이 이승에서 드시는 물말이밥보다 맛없지..?
진수성찬이면 뭐해......
물말이에 고추장을 찍어 먹어도, 이승에서 사랑하는 사람들 보면서 사는게 낫지....
엄마, 미워~~!!

엄마,
모두들 차례지내고 나서 청아공원에 엄마뵈러 간다고 하던데...
나만 못갔네..... ㅠ.ㅠ
내가 명절 때 부산에 가면, 명절날 아침에 엄마한테 전화를 하고는 했는데,
오늘 아침에는 멍~ 한거 있죠?
전화를 걸어야 할텐데,
내 전화를 받아줄 엄마가 안계시잖아요......
그래도 언니한테 전화를 걸었어요.
이런저런 새해 덕담을 했지만,
"언니, 엄마 바꿔줘~~" 소리가 목까지 올라왔지만,
그 말을 삼키면서,
새삼 엄마가 안계시다는 걸 실감했어요.
시댁에서 어머니, 아버님을 모시면서,
내 엄마가 안계시다는 쓸쓸함........
남들은 90까지 사시다 가셨으니, 호상이라고 하는데,
나는 왜 그렇게 아직도 슬픈지 몰라.......
내 욕심이 너무 큰거죠???

엄마,
앞으로도 명절 제사에는 못가지만,
엄마 기제사때는 무슨 일이 있어도 갈게요~~!!

엄마,
엄마.........
엄마 계실 때는 잘 못하고서는,
뭐 이렇게 구구절절 애타하는지..........
몰라, 몰라~~
그냥,
무조건 엄마가 보고 싶고,
무조건 엄마 목소리가 듣고 싶고........

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