청아공원

유가족광장하늘로보내는편지

[ 詩 31 ] 어머니 연가: 받는이 : 이원점 엄마; 작성자 : 막내딸 명옥이 2006-02-04

어머니 연가
소향

소리 없는 세월 속으로 조용히 살다가신 어머니
좋은 세상 나혼자 다 사는 것 같아
늘 어딘가 가슴한쪽 무겁고
그리움으로만 남아가는 어머니 어머니

한낮이면 어김없이 당신이 앉아 계시던 곳
뻐꾸기 소리만 짙게 깔리는 산밭 한귀퉁이
골 깊게패인 굵직한 이마 주름위로
흐르는 땀방울은 거친 손끝으로 씻어내고
채 여물지 않은 옥수수밭을 날마다 여시던 어머니

큰길가 먼지 쌓이는소리 들릴때마다
세월에 지친 눈과 귀를 유난히 세우시며
허전한 마음일랑 초라한 살림살이로 채우시고
해걸음뒤로 달려오시던 부엌마당
속옷고름 다 타는줄도 모르고
엎드려 지피시던 저녁 아궁이

까맣게 그을린 곱지않은 손등위로
땀방울 눈물방울 섞어 흘리시며
지친 손으로 짓던
세상 그 어느것보다 기름졌던 당신의 밥상

고추장 된장 다 퍼주시고 그러고도 모자란듯
텅비어 보이는 가슴 한켠으로 보이시던 눈물
다시 못볼지도 모르는 시간을 사이에두고
보이지 않는 길끝까지 그렇게
서 계시던 어머니.. 어머니..

당신의 산밭
당신의 작은 집
당신의 깊은 부엌
황토빛 안마당
끝없이 걸으며 걸으며 오가던 들길들

살아생전 무엇이 그리 당신 애닳토록
가슴 여미게 했을까요
야윈 등뒤로 눈물만 남기시던 어머니

살면서 문득 문득 당신의 자리는 너무 큽니다
보고 싶다는 간절 함으로도
그립다는 마음으로도 늘 모자라는
어머니...어머니...

--------

엄마,
오늘도 많이 춥네요.
이렇게 추운 날은 나 어릴적 살던 청파동집 아랫목이 생각나요.
학교 갔다오면,
석유난로가 켜져있고 따끈한 아랫목에 이불이 덮여있고...
책가방 내려놓고 아랫목에 발을 넣으면, 커다란 양은 쟁반에 담겨져있는 스텐밥공기들.....
잘못 건드리는 날이면 이불 속에서 밥냄새가 솔솔~~
뚜껑 덮는 척 하다가 손으로 밥 한움큼 집어먹기도 하고......
엄마도 청파동 생각 많이 나시죠?
청파동 집 팔았다는 말 듣고, 엄마 치매가 더 심해지셨지요......
나도 그 후로는 청파동에 가지를 않아요.
마음이 많이 아파서...
나는 20년동안 살았지만, 엄마는 무려 40년쯤 사시던 곳이었는데......
엄마, 이제 그 곳이 무슨 소용이 있겠어요.
어째도 엄마한테는 이승의 어느 한 곳일텐데요.
엄마,
그냥 추억 속에 살아요~~

엄마,
내가 엄마한테 다녀오는 날엔 여러번 다투곤 했었지요...
간다고 하면 미리부터 나와계셔서, 쓸데없이 나와계신다고 투덜거리고...
밥 먹었다고 하는데도, 계속 뭘 좀 먹으라고 하셔서 배부른데 자꾸 먹으라고 한다고 궁시렁거리고...
나 집에 간다고 하면, 나 차에 올라탈때까지 서계셔서 그런 모습 보고 가는게 싫다고 집에서 나오시지 말라고 실랑이를 하고....
엄마는 그래도 내가 떠날 때까지 한 순간이라도 같이 있고 싶어서 그러신 거였지만,
엄마,
나는 그런 엄마를 뒤로 두고 오는게 마음아파서 그런거였어요.
그런 모습 보고 오면, 돌아오는 길 내내 마음이 짠~해서.....

엄마,
이제는 그런거 저런거 다 해볼 수가 없네....
이제 내가 청아에 가면, 그때는 미리미리 나와서 기다리세요.
그리고 내가 돌아가는 길, 집에 도착할때까지 지켜봐 주시구요~~~
그렇게 하염없이 나를 이뻐해주시고, 사랑해주시는 엄마가 좋거든요....!!
그런 엄마가 계셨음에 내가 행복했거든요....!!

엄마,
사랑해요~~!!!

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as in u nder TERM PRONUNCIATION MEANING affect A Ff e kt agoraphobia a g o r a F O b e a amnesia a mN E z e a amphetamines a mF E T a m e nz anorexia nervosa a n o R E Ks e a n e rV O s a antisocial personality a nt e S O sh a l p e rs o N A L i t e anxiety disorders a ngZ I e t e d i s O Rd e rz anxiolytic a ngz i o L I Tik apathy A P a th e Asperger syndrome A Sp e rg e r S I Ndr o m atypical antipsychotics a T I P i k a l a nt i s i K O T i ks autism AWt i zm benzodiazepines b e nz o d i A Z e p e nz bipolar disorder b i P O l a r d i s O Rd e r borderline personality B O Rd e rl i n p e rs o N A L i t e bulimia nervosa b u L E m e a n e rV O s a cannabis K A n a bis catatonia k a t a T O N e a claustrophobia klawstr o F O b e a cognitive behavioral therapy K O Gn i t i v b e H A Vy o r a l TH E R a p e compulsion k o mP U Lsh u n conversion disorder k o nV E Rzh u n d i s O Rd e r PSYCHIATRY TERM PRONUNCIATION MEANING cyclothymia s i kl o TH I m e a defense mechanism d e F E NS m e k a nN I ZM delirium d e L I R e u m delirium tremens d e L I R e u m TR E m e nz delusion d e LOOzh u n dementia d e M E Nsh e a depression d e PR E sh u n dissociative disorder d i sS O sh e a t i v d i s O Rder dysphoria d i sF O R e a dysthymia d i sTH I m e a ego E g o electroconvulsive therapy e l e ktr o k o nV U Ls i v TH E R a p e euphoria u F O R e a euthymic u TH I m i k exhibitionism e ks i B I SH u n i zm family therapy F A M i l e TH E R a p e fetishism F E T i sh i zm free association fr e a s o sh e A sh u n fugue f u g gender identity disorder G E Nd e r i D E Nt i t e d i s O Rd e r group therapy groop TH E R a p e hallucination h a loos i N A sh u n hallucinogen h a LOOs i n o j e n histrionic personality h i str e O N i k p e rs o n A L i t e hypnosis h i pN O s i s hypochondriasis h i p o k o nDR I a s i s hypomania h i p o M A n e a iatrogenic i a tr o J E N i k id i d PSYCHIATRY TERM PRONUNCIATION MEANING insightoriented therapy I Ns i t O R e e nt e d TH E R a p e kleptomania kl e pt o M A n e a labile L A b i l lithium L I TH e u m mania M A n e a mental M E Nt a l mood disorders mood d i s O Rd e rz mutism M U t i zm narcissistic personality n a rs i S I St i k p e rs o N A L i t e neuroleptic drug noor o L E Pt i k dr u g neurotransmitter noor o TR A NZm i t e r obsession o bS E SH u n obsessivecompulsive disorder o bS E S i v c o mP U Ls i v d i s O Rd e r opioids O p e o ydz paranoia p a r a N O Y a paranoid personality P A R a n o yd p e rs o N A L i t e paraphilia p a r a F I L e a pedophilia p e d o F I L e a personality disorders p e rs o N A L i t e d i s O Rd e rz pervasive developmental disorders p e rV A S i v d e V E L o pm e nt a l d i s O Rd e rz phenothiazines f e n o TH I a z e nz phobia F O b e a play therapy pl a TH E R a p e posttraumatic stress disorder p o sttrawM A T i k str e s d i s O Rd e r projective test pr o J E Kt i v t e st psychiatrist s i K I a tr i st psychiatry s i K I a tr e psychoanalysis s i k o a N A L i s i s psychodrama s i k o DR A m a PSYCHIATRY TERM PRONUNCIATION MEANING psychogenic s i k o J E N i k psychologist s i K O L o j i st psychopharmacology s i k o f a rm a K O L o j e psychosis s i K O s i s psychosomatic s i k o s o M A T i k psychotherapy s i k o TH E R a p e pyromania p i r o M A n e a reality testing r e A L i t e T E St i ng repression r e PR E sh u n schizoid personality SK I Z o yd or SK I Ts o yd p e rs o N A L i t e schizophrenia sk i z o FR E n e a sedatives S E D a t i vz sexual disorders S E X u a l d i s O Rd e rz sexual masochism S E X u a l M A S o k i zm sexual sadism S E X u a l S A d i zm somatoform disorders s o M A T o f o rm d i s O Rd e rz substancerelated disorder S U Bst a ns r e L A t e d d i s O Rd e r superego s u p e r E g o supportive psychotherapy s u P O Rt i v s i k o TH E R a p e tolerance T O L e r a ns transference tr a nsF U R e ns transvestic fetishism tr a nsV E St i k F E T i sh i zm tricyclic antidepressants tr i S I Kl i k a nt i d e PR E s a ntz voyeurism V O Yy e r i zm xenophobia z e n o F O b e a PSYCHIATRY REVIEW SHEET Write the meanings of the word parts in the spaces provided and test yourself. 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