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[ 詩 49 ] 어머니를 생각하며
받는이 : 이원점 엄마
작성자 : 막내딸 명옥이 2006-02-23
어머니를 생각하며

- 김윤성

1

이 세상의 마루는 아무리
훔치고 닦고 훔치고 닦고 해도
어느새 먼지는 또 쌓이게 마련이다
어머니는 한평생을
걸레질만 하고 사셨지
어머니의 마루는
반들반들 윤이 나는데도
훔치고 닦고
또 훔치고 닦고
이렇게 아흔 여섯 해를 살다 가셨다


2

세수하면서 생각난 게 있었다.
그게 뭐였더라?
세수하다 생각난 게 있었다는 기억만은 확실한데
정작 그 생각이 뭐였는지 잊어 버렸다
TV를 보면서 턱 밑을 만져보니
꺼끌꺼끌한 수염이 그대로다
아침에 세수할 때 꼭 면도하리라 마음 먹었었는데……
대속나무는 시원스레 잎을 떨쳐 버리고
뼈대만 남은 까만 가지마다
눈부신 햇살을 담고
언제 파란 잎과 열매를 달았었느냐고
한다.
"왜 이렇게 죽지 않았는지 모르겠다
어서 빨리 죽어야했는데……"
아들을 향해
짐짓 미안해 하신 어머니
그 어머니는 이제 어디에?
한 줌의 재로 변한 어머니의 육신을 유골함에 담아
납골당에 모셔놓고 돌아오던 길
火葬으로 모신 게 왠지 죄스러워
동행한 아들에게 넌지시 이른다
"나도 죽거들랑
꼭 화장해다오!"

3

두들겨라 건반을
멋대로 두들겨라
흉내도 되풀이도 못할
한 번 두들기면 그것으로 그만인
일회성의 不協和音
전화벨은 항상 예고없이 울려온다
강변 산책로에 비둘기들 시체가
널브러져 있단다
낚시에 걸려 수면 위로
낚아올려진 물고기는
태양을 똑바로 바라볼 수가 없다
지금은 이 세상 모든 시계를
해시계에 맞출 때마다
火葬하는 데 걸리는 시간은 얼마인가
작은 사람은 두 시간 남짓
큰 사람은 두 시간 30분
대기실에 기다리는 사람들은
죽은 뒤에 배달된
편지를 읽듯
"몹시 뜨거울 거야"
"아냐 뜨거운 줄 모를 거야"


4

과거로 과거로 자꾸만 거슬러올라
마침내 과거 없는 원점에 이르러
영원히 보이지 않게 된 어머니
"이건 꿈이로구나" 생각하며 여전히
꿈 속을 헤매이는
어디를 바라보나 온통 눈부신 푸르름의 深淵
팔을 휘처어도 손에 닿는 것이라곤 아무것도 없는
귀를 기울여도 아무 소리 들리지 않는
그런 짙푸른 심연 속을
深海魚처럼 잃어 버린 눈을 찾아 헤매이는
어머니
어머니
"언제 또 만나뵐 수 있을까요?"
만나뵐 수만 있다면
아무리 먼 여행이라도 하겠습니다."
이제는 누구에게 미안해 하지 않아도 될
그런 꿈 속에서 깨어나지 마소서
깊이 깊이 잠드소서
어머니.
잠 속에 꿈이 있듯
죽음 속에서 꿈이 있다면
꿈 속에서나마 뵐 수밖에요
이곳은 아직도 바람이 불면
나무는 나무대로 돌은 돌대로
바람 부는 쪽으로 기울고
겹겹이 포개어진 통통한 꽃봉오리
따가운 햇볕에 벙글고 있습니다.

------------

엄마,
엄마.....
그 동안 <詩로 올리는 49재>를 했는데,
오늘이 마지막 49번째 날이예요.
엄마 마음에 드셨는지.......
저는 마흔 아홉편의 시를 쓰면서
엄마를 회상할 수 있어서 즐거웠고,
엄마와 이야기할 수 있어서 좋았어요.
그리고
눈물을 통해서 엄마를 보내드린 서글픔을 풀어낼 수 있었구요......

하지만,
엄마한테 드리는 편지를 쓰면서 사실 갈등을 하기도 했어요.
마음으로 서러워하고 고인을 기리면 됐지,
굳이 이렇게 남들이 보도록 글을 올려야 할까...
그리고 누군가가 읽는다는 생각에 더 진솔하게 쓰는게 어렵기도 했구요...
그래도, 내가 엄마한테 드린 약속이기에
개의치않고 마흔아홉편을 올렸어요.......
어찌보면 엄마를 위한 편지가 아니라,
내 마음을 정리하고,
또 나를 위로하는 시간이기도 했어요.

엄마,
이제 훨훨~ 날아서 하늘로 올라가세요....
막내 울음소리는 저승까지 들린다고 하던데,
이제 더는 울지않을테니,
가다가 뒤돌아보지 마시고
편안하게 하늘나라로 가세요.....
햇볕이 너무 좋은 날, 엄마가 우리를 보시는 듯 여길게요.
바람이 부는 날, 엄마를 만진 듯 할게요.
비가 오는 날, 엄마가 우리를 그리워하는 줄 알게요.
눈이 오는 날, 엄마가 우리를 만나러 오신줄 알게요.

엄마,
이제 우리 다시 만날 날을 기다리며 살아요~~
더는 늙지 마시고,
하늘나라에서 제일 맛있는 거 드시고,
제일 좋은 옷 입으시고,
제일 멋진 곳에서 우리를 기다려주세요......
그리고 가끔은 꿈에라도 우리를 만나러 오시구요......

엄마,
사랑하는 내 엄마,
존경하는 우리 엄마,
엄마와 함께 정말 행복한 시간이었어요.....
엄마,
영원한 나의 엄마,
사.랑.해.요~~!!
StewAdmicky 2015-03-09 07:13:18
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Clinical course a.b When a magnetic field gradient is superimposed on the uniform field the Larmor frequencies at the locations A and B are different.To the fullest extent of the law neither the Publisher nor the authors contributors or editors assume any liability for any injury andor damage to persons or property as a matter of products liability negligence or otherwise or from any use or operation of any methods products instructions or ideas contained in the material herein. roaccutane buy Male sexual behavior was suppressed in rats given the AR agonist clonidine by direct injection into the MPOA ClarkHe tried a metal ball and stem for the femur fitting it into a PTFE lining in the socket but the PTFE wore quickly and its tiny rubbedoff particles caused severe irritation and reaction.What Abnormal Results Mean An abnormal result means acetylcholine receptor antibody has been detected in your blood.Correct bleeding diathesis although anticoagulation is the treatment for PE.m canadian pharmacy cialis Greenberger D.Aspirin indomethacin or NSAIDs are the firstline treatment medications.PARACELSUS GermanSwiss physician Paracelsus is often called the father of toxicology for his work on the effects of poisons on the human body.The surface attraction may be triggered by a release of the Ca ions.Prevention In many cases the disorder is not preventable.inammation. viagra pills for sale Dont stand for too long.The product of the electric field and the distance over which the field extends is an important parameter which is called potential difference or voltageThe most common joints affected are knees and wrists.hyperosmolar hyperglycemic nonketotic syndrome hhns cialis 20mg for sale TABLE PSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS Category Examples Anxiety disorders Panic disorder Phobic disorders Obsessivecompulsive disorder Posttraumatic stress disorder Generalized anxiety disorder Delirium Delirium tremens Toxic delirium Dementia Alzheimer disease Multiinfarct dementia Dissociative disorders Dissociative identity disorder amnesia fugue multiple personality disorder Eating disorders Anorexia nervosa Bulimia nervosa Mood disorders Bipolar I Bipolar II Cyclothymic disorder Depressive disorders Dysthymia Seasonal affective disorder SAD Personality disorders Antisocial borderline histrionic narcissistic paranoid schizoid Pervasive developmental disorders Autism Asperger syndrome Schizophrenia Positive and negative symptoms paranoid disorganized catatonic and residual types Sexual and gender identity disorders Paraphilias Sexual dysfunction Gender identity disorder Somatoform disorders Conversion disorder Hypochondriasis Pain disorder Substancerelated disorders Alcohol amphetamines cannabis cocaine hallucinogens opioids sedatives PSYCHIATRY T HERAPEUTIC M ODALITIES Some major therapeutic techniques that are used to treat psychiatric disorders are psychotherapy electroconvulsive therapy and drug therapy psychopharmacology.Sterile pancreatic necrosisInfection may develop but half of all cases resolve spontaneously. cialis price Ketogenesis is minimal because a small amount of insulin is released to blunt counterregulatory hormone release glucagons.Typically in an insect the size of a bee the volume of the resilin may be equiv alent to a cylinder cm long and cm in area.inammation of the gums
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