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보고싶은 어머니!: 받는이 : 어머니 !; 작성자 : 아들이 ~ ~ 2008-08-11

어머니!
이리 불러보는것도 한달이 지났네요.
꿈속에서나 한번볼까.
혹시나 깊은 잠에 오신거 모르고 지날갈까 . 선잠에 날밤을 설치니..
사신동안 깊은정 못표현하고 .. 한번만이라도 해봤으며 했는데 ...
어머니 계신곳은 편한 곳인지요?
어머니 안계신 집안에 들어서면 항시 문열고 나와 밥먹었냐고 묻곤하신 목소리가
들릴것같은 환청에 잠시 눈을 감고 표현도 못하고 그저 들어서는 방...
제가 슬퍼하고.흔들리면 남은 가족들 더.더. 힘들까봐...
제데로 한번 울어보지도 못했읍니다..
이런 제 가슴깊은 곳에서 송곳으로 찌르는 아픔도 이내 표현도 못하는..
바보같은 아들이네요..
모르는 사람들은 냉정하다 하지만. 어머니가 나은 이 자식 마음이 이러니..
어쩝니까?
어머니.지금은 조금울고 싶네요. 어머니....
남들볼까. 속내을 들어내지못해도.. 제 마음아시죠.. 겉은 냉정해도..마음은 아닌것을..
어머니 가시기전 비빕냉면 해먹자는 그 한마디 아직도 생생한데..
어머니 오시면 해드릴려고 아직도 냉면있는데... 이걸 어쩌죠 .
어머니 . 아버지 걱정마세요.. 그런데 아버지나 저나 표현이 서투니 걱정이네요..
어머니.많이 보고싶어요...그리고 제가 다 잘못했어요...
남은 가족 챙겨줄래도. 저리 이상한 방향으로 나가니..
걱정이네요. 이러다 저도 돌아서면 어쩌죠..
어머니 49제가 이제 얼마 안남았네요... 49제가 이승에서의 인연을 끊는 기간이라는데..
그러면 진짜 어머니는 가시는건가봐요..
어머니 . 참 표현안하고 참고.참고 살기가 가슴이 너무아프네요..
채영이 할머니 안계신거 아나봐요.
그것 보는것도 힘들고 가슴아프네요.. 어머니 49제에 데려갈께요.
그럼 그때 뵙게요..
안녕히 계세요. 어머니.

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